More than Words
by coloradospace
Summary: Jesse says something thoughtless and Brennan gets his feelings hurt. Takes place in season 2 after Hard Time. NOT SLASH!


**AN**: This fic came from a comment my friend AliasJaneDoe made after the episode "Hard Time" in season 2. She wondered how Jesse could say all ex-cons are "low life criminals" in front of Brennan. I wrote this fic years ago and just found it again on my computer. I haven't been in the fandom for years but thought I would share.

**AN2**: I don't own anything except for my computer, does that count?

**AN3**: (it's the last one I promise): Jane, this fic is yours.

AND NOW WITH THE STORY

Sweat was pouring around his head. His movements were erratic, trashing and turning in his sleep, mumbling incoherent thoughts. "… criminals". He woke up suddenly, as if some cold water had been dropped on him. He tried to focus his mind for a moment in order to calm himself.

"4 am, great" he mumbled to himself, realising he couldn't get back to sleep.

He slowly made his way to the shower, as if to rid himself from the nightmare he just had. He then proceeded, ever so slowly and discretely to head to the gym room where he could work some steam out before the others woke up.

"When did my life become such a nightmare?" he thought while giving everything he had in his punches.

*********

"Hey, Em, could you give me the milk please?" asked Shal while at breakfast.

"Sure, here it is", answered the young psionic.

"Do you know where the boys are?"

"Well, Jesse is still sleeping; I guess he hadn't totally recovered from the whole "Hellview" ordeal… Adam is in his lab, as usual, and Brennan, well, I don't know. He wasn't in his room when I passed by it earlier"

"Emma, I am worried about them, Jesse and Brennan I mean" said the feral calmly, forgetting her breakfast in the process.

"I know what you mean. I feel that some things happened in there between the two of them that they won't share with us, that shattered their friendship."

All the while saying it, the young mutant was turning her spoon aimlessly in her hot cocoa bowl.

"Look who's finally coming!" cut Shalimar as hapilly as she could muster.

"Hey girls" said a still verry sleepy Jesse.

"Here, coffee"

"I love you Shal, you're my saviour!" answered the young molecular graciously.

He then took a seat at the table, not noticing both girls sharing a knowing look. It was now or never…

"Jesse, we need to talk to you about something…" started Emma.

As she fidgeted in her chair, Shalimar continued.

"Jesse, what really happened while Brennan and you were in jail?"

Okay, she said it. Now they needed a reaction… Obviously, a spitting coffee wasn't what they expected but Jesse seemed too stunned to do anything else.

"What?! OK, now I am awake! What are you talking about?" answered almost angrily the blond man.

"I mean, where does that come from?"

As they saw how clueless he seemed to be, both girls decided to elaborate their question.

*******

"…. not good enough!"

_punch_

"…after the past year"

_kick_

"…should have listened to me"

_double punch_

" …we were brothers!"

As he kicked a last time the sand bag, Brennan couldn't take it anymore and let himself fall to the floor. Taking his head in his hands, he started reliving the past days. Deny's death. Going back to jail. Being a con. The fights. Jesse… He knew he couldn't have done it without the others and Jesse saved him, but could he forget? He wasn't sure if the younger man ever knew what he really said… After all, he was a rich kid from the suburbs…

**********

"Well, you know what happened, Shal!" answered Jesse slowly, trying to figure out what the girls had just told him.

"We shared a cell, a guy was after me because I opened my mouth a bit too much in his opinion... Brennan got my back, and actually wasn't noticed before. I guess I owe him for that but seeing his reaction in the ring, I guess we're even. That's it. I mean, I forgave him for him almost choking me to death so it's in the past now!"

As both girls didn't seem convinced, they started wondering if there wasn't more to the story that even Jesse would be aware of...

"Jess, are you sure you're not forgetting anything?" tried Emma while soothing him with her telempathic abitility.

"Brennan has not been himself since you both came back..." trailed off the feral.

As Jesse started pondering on the question, a sweaty Brennan entered the room to grab a quick breakfast. Upon seeing the faces of the persons already there, he started to put his walls up, especially avoiding a certain person's gaze.

"Bren, we told you already to shower before coming here!" said Emma, a smile on her face trying to break the tension.

Seeing her always brightened his mood, no matter what. Ignoring the false joy in her voice and the uneasy way his other teamates were looking at him.

"I know" he answered giving her a wink in the process. "I just do it to mess around with you. Plus, I know you think I'm sexy, all sweaty from morning exercises like that..."

Emma knowingly rolled her eyes at his attempt to joke, but all the while noticing he never glanced at the younger man.

"You wish, Bren." She answered smiling, trying to keep the mood light to not make him suspicious of the conversation that happened a couple of minutes prior.

"Not every girl fall at your feet"

"You hurt me, Em" riposted the tall elemental, while putting his hands to his heart and exaggerating his crushed state.

"Anyway, I just came in to grab a baggle; I'm on my way out." He continued, picking up the plain food and a new bottle of water.

He left as quickly and he came, and this time, Jesse couldn't ignore the tension between them anymore.

********************

The young man tentavily approached his mentor, wondering what he could possibly say. He just hoped their conversation wouldn't be as sterile as the lab...

"Adam, could I talk to you for a minute?"

"Just let me finish this..." answered the older man, never leaving his eyes from his computer, reading and noting different mathematic equation that only he could read. Noticing Jesse's silence made him turn around quite rapidly though. He tried to read the molecular's expression but only saw confusion in his face.

"What do you want to talk about?"

As Jesse fidgeted, the older man tried a tactic that often worked with his team: patience and understanding look. It rassured them most of the time, making them know they could always go to him for any kind of problem.

As the blond man saw the "let's-talk-I'm-here to-listen-but-do-it-quickly" look as he often called it, he decided it was now or never; but how on Earth could he say it?

"Adam, have you noticed anything out of the ordinary lately?"

Deciding to let Jesse elaborate by himself, Adam just sat more comfortably in his chair and waited...and waited...and waited. Seeing his "I-would-not-say-more-without-further-information", he raised an eyebrow and mentioned him to go ahead.

"Great, he won't make things easy for me" mumbled Jesse shutting his eyes in the process, trying to regroup his thoughts in order to better explain what he wanted to say.

"Well, what I mean by that is...hum...have you noticed anything particular about Brennan?" he tried again.

"You mean more unusual than ordinary?" tried to joke Adam in a failed attempt to ease Jesse's mind, all the while wondering where the conversation was headed.

He got a brief smile in return.

"No, I mean, he seems to avoid me since we both came back from our last mission, and I don't know why..."

"He went back to jail, just after a friend of his died. He was drugged into beating you. Even though Brennan is one of the toughest person I know, everyone has his limits." Answered the scientist, trying to understand what Jesse was really saying. Had something happened in there that he wasn't aware of? He couldn't be that much out of the loop, could he? Sure, they liked their privacy, but they knew they could count on him. They were like his children, he took care of them. Surely he would notice if one of them wasn't like himself... As he replayed what he just said and what Jesse told him, he had to admit it sounded a little false and unconvincing.

"Jesse, has something happened while you were in Heallview that you haven't told us about?" he asked after a while.

"Franckly, I don't see anything" he answered immediately.

"We shared a cell, we covered each other's back, so nothing new here. I know Bren and like you said, he is tough. He told us Heallview scared him before we went but he was fine and as for his friend's death, he got revenge."

At the dubious look Adam sent his way, he quickly continued.

"I know revenge wouldn't ease the pain, but you also know Bren is past it. I don't think it's the problem, but I can't put my finger on it." He kept going dejectedly.

"Jesse, you say Brennan seems avoiding you. If so, the problem involves you and not Emma, Shalimar or me." He advised quietly.

"You should go talk to him. You already knew it when you came in here." He finished ever so calmly.

Great, Adam is acting like Yoda now, telling me I know what to do and to do it and blah blah blah; thought Jesse. He looked up into his eyes and knew that he indeed needed to talk to his friend… but would he listen? What did he do to make him flee every time he sees him?

*******

Emma repositioned herself on the dojo for the 4th time at least, not being able to focus on her meditation. She was used to feeling everyone's emotions and could block them pretty easily now, but damn, Brennan wasn't making things easy on her. She could feel him so deeply. She wanted to meditate to clear her mind, not focus on other's feelings! His were so strong and unusual it took her by surprise. She started feeling him more than usual when he and Jesse came back from Heallview, but as days came and went, his emotions became stronger. He blocked everything inside but in the process, projected everything he had to her without even knowing it. Hurt. Sadness. Shock. Trahison. Anger. Loneliness. He was completely consumed by those feelings and she feared they were just the visible part of the iceberg…

*****************************

Jesse was walking around Sanctuary trying to find Brennan, all the while pondering on what could upset his friend so much. They had been through hell and back in there. They already had some tough missions, and this one was no different. If it was really not that different, what made the tall elemental react that way then?

So deep in thought, Jesse hadn't realised he walked into the garage. There, under a Porsche, was Brennan. Jesse was so intended on saying the right things, finding out what was bothering him that he didn't notice Bren moving from under the car. Upon seeing him, the taller man immediately put on his poker face.

"Great" he thought, "Just the man I wanna see".

Taking an old tissue, he eased the grease from his hands on it, never making eye contact with the man he used to call his brother.

"Well, I have to start somewhere" thought Jesse, noticing how Brennan tried to evade him at all cost.

"Hey" he said shifting from one foot to another, feeling uncomfortable "need help with this?" he said gesturing vaguely to the cars.

"No, I've got it covered" replied Brennan not sparing him a glance, choosing another tool from the box.

"Bren, can we talk, man?" answered a feeble voice.

Hearing his friend's plea made him shut his eyes and tighten his hold on the wrench.

"Can't it wait? I'm kind of busy right now" – Please, let him buy this excuse- he hoped.

"You can't even look at me"

It was a statement, not an accusation. When Brennan stiffened, it was at that moment that Jesse realised there was a real problem at hand; that their friendship hadn't been the same since their return.

"What do you want, Jess" retorted a stony voice.

"What did I do to make you avoid me? To make you despise me?" he whispered, his eyes hopeful.

"If you don't know what you did, then let's say there's nothing and everything's fine" replied coldly the taller man, finally turning and giving Jesse a piercing glare.

"No, tell me, man" he said back, never shifting his eyes from the accusing look. "Talk to me so I can understand"

"You could never understand" Brennan smirked. "Remember? You're from the suburb, I'm not" he continued his tone icy.

"What is that supposed to mean?" started shouting the molecular. "I'm fed up with you saying I am a rich kid who don't know life"

Both men glared at one another angrily, both hurt at what the other said.

"Damn it, Bren, talk to me!" he demanded. "What is it with your attitude? What's gotten into you?!"

"You are not worth my time" was the only answered he got, as the dark hair man walked past him and started to exit the room.

"Not so fast!"

Jesse grabbed him by the arm. He hadn't counted on Brennan's quick reflex and his good right hook. This made him fall out on his ass.

"Does that make you feel better?" he said from his position on the floor, clutching his sore jaw.

"I…I didn't mean it" stuttered the other man.

"Yes you did". It was again a statement, not an accusation.

Brennan stood tall against the garage door and watched Jesse massaging his bruise.

"May be I did, may be not" he shrugged.

"What did I do, Bren" asked again the blond man.

"You don't remember, do you?" inquired his friend. Rolling his eyes towards the sky, he continued "Of course you don't."

"Do you know how hard it is to…live this life? Being in the street, having nobody to depend on but you? Having few solutions to get money, just to live?"

Brennan tightened his jaw and clenched his fists. He was no longer in the peaceful Sanctuary, but in his memory.

"You steal. At first, you try to say it is temporary, that you will find a way to get out. But the more you do, the deeper you get. You start with some food to eat and some clothes to wear. Then it's a car, and before you know it, you are robbing a bank. Don't forget the mob too. When you see thieves, you see desperation. And most of the time, there's someone behind, someone powerful "helping" you, getting you some "jobs". So you see, Jess, when you say you are risking your life for some "low life criminals", don't forget where I come from, and stop a bit to wonder how they came there."

Looking dejectedly from all his height at the stunned form of his friend, he walked out of the room, without uttering another word or turning around to see his friend's reaction.

******************************

Emma was laying on the sofa, her arm covering her face as if she was trying to hide from everything around her, to be cut down by every emotion that came and left.

That's how Shalimar found her. Advancing on tip toes, trying to be unnoticed wasn't that hard for the feral. Her motherly instincts kicked in and she calmly sat next to her friend, gently touching her arm.

"Hey" she said in a soft voice, "you ok?"

Hearing her friend made the younger woman move her arm a little to show a saddened and tired face.

"You know this movie the boys like so much, "Star Wars"?" Seeing the weird and concerned look the blond woman gave her, she continued with a slight smile. "This guy, Ben, he says "I feel a disturbance in the Force". I guess I now know what he means"

"Emma, what happened?" asked her friend.

"They talked." Was the only reply she got.

Emma was fixing the ceiling, not caring about the world around her. She could have stayed that way for hours if Shalimar hadn't sent waves of concern towards her, and a good hold on her arm… Both women were lost in their thoughts, one wondering what was just said, and the other contemplating what the future would hold.

A dejected Jesse passed by, and barely made them look his way. Head bent down, looking at his feet, the young man walked to his room without seeing anyone or anything around him.

A voice suddenly broke the silence.

"Well, isn't that movie called "A new Hope"?"

That made both girls chuckle a bit, hoping things will be ok in the end.

"Yep, it is. And if I remember correctly, there was a big fur ball and a mechanic in it, both very stubborn".

They both started giggling like schoolgirls, almost forgetting they darker thought from minutes ago.

*********

Jesse sat on his bed, contemplating what Brennan had just told him. Had he really said that? When? Why hadn't he said it sooner? But most important, was their friendship broken beyond repair or just momentarily shattered?

"I really messed up" he sighed heavily in the darkness of his room, holding his head in his hands.

Some minutes passed and Jesse was still wondering how he could make up to his brother when thunder reverberated all over Sanctuary. Thunder means lighting and rain. Lightning meant Brennan… He rose his head rolling his eyes at the analogy that popped up to his mind when his eyes landed on a picture of all of them, just after the tall elemental and his psionic friend joined Mutant X. Good old days.

Jesse was still lost in thought when suddenly he wondered where his friend was. Brennan was old enough to take care of himself but what if he wasn't in Sanctuary? What if he left and was outside in the rain and getting himself sick? Rain meant water. And water meant enemy for the electrical elemental.

The young molecular started having a bad feeling about everything. Brennan was angry and upset when he left him, he could have done something stupid. He could be anywhere!

"Brennan! Brennan, it's me, Jesse" said a fearful voice.

Silence

"Brennan! Talk to me, man!"

The only answer Jesse got was the deafening echo of his plea.

Fear took hold of his whole being. He started sprinting towards the garage where he last saw his friend, not caring about anything around him, his only goal being to reach him before something happened.

********

Rain was pouring all over him, drenching him, but he didn't care. He knew he would get himself sick but he just wanted the ache in his chest, this void to leave him. Old wounds that never properly healed were reopened, and new ones were formed. He barely noticed the person approaching him slowly.

"Bren…" said a worried voice. "Come inside, please"

"Why do you care?" was the answer. It was almost whispered, as if nothing mattered anymore, nothing and no one. The tone was flat and carried no life to it.

"I care Bren. We're more than friends, we're family. Come inside please"

"What happened to your view of "low life criminals"?" was the sarcastic reply.

"I'm sorry man. You know I didn't mean it." Upon the deathly glare that was sent at him, Jesse quickly went on. "I mean, I didn't think about you when I said that. I don't even remember saying it, so see, that was not important to me."

"But it was to me" Brennan icily retorted.

"Come on, man, I'm sorry. I really am" The plea in his eyes didn't sway the taller man.

"I told you you'd never understand. You just proved it over and over again."

"So help me understand!" begged the blond man. He thought he saw tears in his friend's eyes, but Brennan never cried, and neither did he, right? It must be the rain…

"Everyone told me I was worth shit, Jess. Deny took care of me and went to jail for me. And now he is dead. I wanted to go there to get revenge, and what did I get? You saying "low life criminals" were not worth your time, so excuse me if I don't feel like talking."

"Bren…" gently said Jesse, all the while taking baby steps towards his broken friend.

That's when Jesse fully realised what he said really impacted the elemental. Brennan was a thief before joining Mutant X, a criminal. He used to have no one depending on him and whom he depended on. All that changed on that fateful day where he accepted to be part of the team. They were more than friends, they were a family, and families don't stab each other on the back. He must have felt betrayed. Those stupid fleeting words hurt him, and it was all his fault. They were a reminder of what he was. Jesse saw the wounded look the other man sported, like a lost and broken child being abused one to many times. Seeing the tall and strong older man he considered his brother broken like that tore him up. He kept advancing, one step at a time till he was at arm's reach. The men look at each other directly in the eyes, never faltering.

"I'm sorry bro" said the molecular once more, eyes still focused on his friend. "I never should have said that. But if there is one thing I know, is that you are stronger and better than anyone we saw in there. If I had met you when you were in jail, I probably would have thought at first you deserved what you got, but I know you, and I know you are not the guy you were in jail anymore."

"How do you know that?" was the smart-ass answer.

"Because the Brennan I first met was egoistical at first glance and too cocky for his own good, but he helped me escape GSA nonetheless, and he didn't know me. We are a family, Bren. You, Emma, Shal, Adam and me. You are part of it, and I am sorry for what I did and said. I realise for you, they were more than words." He finished, eyes downcast, not wanting to meet his friend's gaze anymore.

Thunder reverberated all over the mountain, as if telling the men it was time to forgive and forget. Brennan started walking towards the entrance of Sanctuary, pausing just a moment to tell the younger man to get inside too. They walked in silence, both knowing a step had been taken. Brennan might not forget that soon, but he started forgiving.

**The End**


End file.
